Are you feeling alone?

Ironically, you’re not alone if you’re feeling this way. However, knowing that won’t necessarily alleviate the sense of isolation when in this space. I know, it can be a tangible, overwhelming, almost debilitating, empty or sad, very real experience.

Weirdly, you could even be feeling this way when surrounded by people at home, work, on a sports field, in a club environment, who you know could or do care. At the very least, would be willing to support you if you shared what it’s like for you in these times. That said, more often than not, it seems like it is private, an almost unshareable dilemma, which makes very little sense even to you.

Some key things to remember:

· You are not alone in feeling this way.

· Not all things you think are true. Ask yourself “is this actually true?”

· Find someone to share your feelings with if you can, they will most likely want to support you.

Alternatively, try this strategy for coping with loneliness:

Go to a place in your memory, and if you don’t have one make a memory of a place you’ve been to or an occasion/event you absolutely loved. It could be when you did really well, achieved something, were acknowledged/awarded or just basically felt quite proud of yourself, surprised and delighted, happy.

When you have brought this to the forefront of your thinking, notice how you’re feeling within, and if possible, where you are feeling it in the body. Note if it has a colour you could name associated to it and/or a sound. Perhaps you could conjure up a symbol that represents the overall feeling of this great memory or occasion.

Whilst in this space, staying with the feeling put your thumb and middle finger together and continue to enjoy what you are remembering for a minute or two. Noticing where you are, is it inside or out, in a particular room you can recall, were there people with you, if so who are they? What are you wearing, what are you saying to them or yourself, is there a scent you recall being there at the time or a sound? What was the temperature, warm or cold, still or a breeze?

In other words, revisit this great time you recall and relive it, by holding your thumb and middle finger together (known as ‘Anchoring’), and milk it for all it’s worth. It will last approximately 90 seconds, so fuel up on the memory whilst you are ‘anchoring’ it initially.

Have this tool as a ‘go-to’, for shifting the landscape of your mind in times that don’t feel so good. It will be very useful in times to come, to sooth and take you out of yourself. Giving you a break from that which is not serving you, your thoughts.

For more tips and strategies

Contact Julia at julia@juliataylorjames.com or book a time to speak with her directly on a complimentary call